Part of Me
by csiAngel
Summary: CG. "There's a part of me that wishes all my dreams come true..."
1. Gillian

Title: Part of Me  
>Author: csiAngel<br>Rating: K+  
>Summary: There's a part of me that wishes all my dreams come true…<br>Disclaimer: I do not own Lie to me*. Title and summary (and lyrics used in fic) from 'Part of Me' by Suzy Bogguss. Don't own that either (except on CD!)  
>AN: Many thanks to Lightwoman for reading this through for me :)  
>Aad: If you haven't yet visited the official Kelli Williams website & fanclub, forget reading this and go there instead. teamkelli(dot)tv

… … …

_There's a part of me that wishes  
>All my dreams come true…<em>

... … …

It's quite ridiculous that you occupy my thoughts for so many hours of a day. If you haven't given me reason to be angry at you, or to worry about you, or to wonder where the hell you are (or who the hell you're with), then I'm thinking about something nice that you have done; an unexpected gesture that reminds me of the earlier years of our friendship. Or I'm looking back at all the times you were there for me; the days when I didn't have to question your loyalty or doubt my own.

Or you're with me and you're being your usual infuriating self, but you're amusing me, entertaining me, pushing yourself as far into my personal space as you can get without actually taking that last step and kissing me, or holding me. And all I can think about is how I wish you would. How I could be the one to close the gap; to cross the line; to push the boundaries of this relationship as you're so fond of doing. How I could take control of my own dreams rather than leaving it to you; rather than letting you trample all over them because you're too scared to admit that you know they're in your hands.

But I won't. Because I know it has to be you. Because I know that if this doesn't start on your terms, then it will fall apart - because you're not strong enough to hand your dreams to someone else. So I wait. Because I am… Or, at least, I tell myself I am. Because there is a part of me that knows we could work; we could be happy together; we could be so much more than we are now. And I want that. No matter how long it takes; no matter what you've put me through lately.

But when my thoughts wander to (where the hell you are, or) who the hell you're with, my strength does waiver. Because it is ridiculous that you occupy my thoughts for so many hours of a day: When I doubt I feature prominently in many of yours.

I love you. I do. But it would be so much easier if I didn't.

… … …

… _There's a part of me that prays  
><em>_I'll wake up some day  
><em>_Over you._

… … …


	2. Cal

… … …

_There's a part of me that wishes  
>All my dreams come true…<em>

… … …

It's quite ridiculous that you occupy my thoughts for so many hours of a day. If you're not with me then I can't stop wondering when you'll be back; can't stop waiting to see you again; can't help the niggling feeling that wherever you are some man could be falling in love with you. That sounds melodramatic, but who wouldn't fall in love with you?

If you are with me it's all I can do not to spend every moment gazing at you and thinking about how beautiful you are - mentally; physically - how much I love to see your lips curve into a smile; how proud I feel to have caused that; how devastated I am that my actions in the last few months have caused pain to cross your beautiful face instead. And it takes all my strength not to say it all out loud.

I wish I could. I wish I could tell you everything. Admit that I know exactly how I feel about you. Voice each and every thought; take that step nearer when I've already pushed myself as far into your personal space as I can permit myself to be. I long to be able to make you happy; to make every wish you've ever made come true… But I know I'm not the right person to do that. You deserve someone who won't spend months pushing you away because he's terrified of his love for you.

And one day you will find someone who deserves to have you love him in return. So, it is ridiculous that you occupy my thoughts for so many hours of a day when I know I will never tell you; that you must never know.

I love you. I do. But it would be so much easier if I didn't.

… … …

… _And a part of me that prays  
>I'll wake up some day<br>Over you._

… … …


End file.
